Hop on over

My roommate and I were having a "guys are creeps" night when we decided around midnight we needed breakfast. And a total stranger, a strange one at that, decided to more than prove our opinion to be the correct one. We decided to run over to the IHOP on route 60 in Revere and grab a midnight pancake breakfast. L and I started talking about pets, I own the house, and was letting her know that she could obtain just about any kind of pet she wanted. Except for cats, which neither I, or my current pets, are fond of. Suddenly an older man (older even than this forty year single lady) leaned toward us and said, "Once when my ex-wife and I were making love, her cat bit me." We were both stunned and could not believe what this man said! Did he think we were going to offer him sex or share our worst pairing stories? In an IHOP! at midnight! I gave him my best, you suck and should die stare and said in a voice loud enough for the entire diner to hear. "Let's just pretend you DID NOT just say something so disgusting to two ladies you DO NOT even know!" The restaurant paused for a minute, and he grabbed his bill and rushed to the front door, stopping long enough to pay for his uneaten food. Thanks so much to the waitress who came over a second later to let us know that he had a tendency to bother woman in the restaurant. And to the person who put him there, also knowing there was a good chance we would be offended by him. Thanks for standing together ladies. Creeps like that should be put very far away from all human beings, or banned from the establishment all together. Not allowed to offend at random. Jan

I am not my grandmother

But because my gram moved into assisted living a few weeks ago, I had the job of cleaning out her house in Indiana last week. Not too terrible - less so than you'd expect. Except when I was taking out the trash one afternoon and I hear the LOUDEST whistle ever. I spin around, arms full of bursting plastic bags, and see these two idiots behind the now-closed gas station across the street, leering at me. An entire sack of trash had broken open moments ago, so I've been bending over to pick up discarded former food products, and you're going to yell at my ass? Literally? This is too much. It's November, I'm wearing a coat, and I'm covered in old food garbage. Ya'll need a hobby. - small town Indiana

Audience member

Motherfucker, I am at a house concert to see an aging British rock star and his rocker girlfriend. We are sitting in a stranger's living room, people who have generously opened their homes to us so we can rock. Do not sit that close to me and laugh when you say that you can back off if you're being "too personal". If you have to joke about it, you are. Mostly, I'd just love for you to stop staring into my blouse when you think I'm not watching. I see everything you're doing, and you're fucking gross, you prick. I am young enough to be your daughter. Go home alone because women like myself are sick of your nasty shit. - BS

Alone doesn't mean lonely

Why do I have to tell the dude at the Field in Cambridge the other night that "my man" is outside smoking just to get him to leave my friend and I alone? He plops down and blurts out: "You two lonely ladies need some company?" He said something else totally weird, but I was too busy trying to get him off of my bench and away from my table to notice. - Ry

Can I just get my car back?

People sometimes talk about street harassment as an unfortunate by-product of city living. I got a better one: getting towed. Nobody enjoys this experience. Nobody. But I really wasn’t prepared to feel so uncomfortable as it progressed. First, I had a cabbie come back to get me after he delivered his previous passenger. He said, “I said to myself, I should go back and see if that beautiful lady is still waiting.” I was so desperate for transportation I went with him, listening to him jabber about helping out a needy young woman all the way. Too bad. Because it really was sort of sweet for him to come back for me (not to mention making it his life’s mission to find the tow lot). I only felt partially preyed on sitting in his cab until I looked over to the van hovering next to us and saw the passenger waving and mouthing kisses to me. So I got to spend my morning shelling out over a hundred dollars for my stupid parking mistake AND be consistently reminded that the perception of my gender makes me a moving target in this world. - HA

Winning the battle

My mom used to repeat this story for me when I was growing up: cousin Debbie was a business woman back in the eighties. Once, on a flight home, she got to her seat in first class, and as she was lifting her bag into the overhead compartment, some businessman ran his hand up her stockinged thigh. She promptly set down her bag and broke his nose with her fist. As he was sputtering through the blood, she said calmly, "Now go home and explain THAT to your wife." They had to move her seat... but I think she won that round. - Jess